To-Do Lists
by unicornsandrainbows
Summary: What does Jess do after Winston calls the loft meeting at the end of The Captain? How does Nick get all those egg cartons? What in the world will they now do for birth control - and what's Winston doing now that he's no longer Furguson's wingman? A look at Jess, Nick, and Winston's to-do lists and how they get checked off.
1. Condoms, soundproofing, and Schmidt

**AN: Thanks, as always, to my beta Captain Crunk, who's clearly much, much more awesome than The Captain. ;)**

_condoms  
__soundproofing  
__Schmidt $$$_

The first thing Nick does after Jess goes to her room is leave the apartment and go to the store. Clearly, he needs to replenish his condom supply. Maybe someday he'll look back on today and laugh – really, the Captain, and Schmidt taking a week's worth of birth control, and being put in the position where he has to talk about his feelings and having them come out like some kind of word vomit? What kind of bizarro-world was he living in? But now he's just pissed, for all of the above reasons, and because even though sex with Jess is always amazing – it's sex, after all, and with _Jess _– he's also irritated because it's not often that they get all intense and emotional about it, and he wanted that. With her. Because God knows it's been hard enough to express himself with words. He prefers to do it physically, because it's easier, and, well, also the sex. He puts the economy pack of condoms in his basket (thank goodness he has enough cash on him – he'd just had a payday) to stick it to Schmidt, because he sure as hell isn't going to swallow the cost himself on his salary, and because the way things are going these days, he's pretty sure he and Jess will end up using all of them before they expire anyway. After a moment's consideration, he adds a second box. He supposes he could simply ask Schmidt for the same number of condoms he'd cut up as compensation, but the thought of using any of Schmidt's prophylactics disturbs him more than Schmidt's insertion of himself between Nick and Jess. Possibly. It's a toss-up, but not one he wants to dwell on.

He pays for the condoms and walks past a bakery. The smell of baked delicacies saturates the air outside it, and his stomach rumbles. He goes inside and buys a couple of cookies – one for him, one for Jess (Schmidt isn't getting any this time) – and it occurs to him that he ought to ask them if they have any extra egg cartons. The bakery manager directs him to the alley out back where the cartons are stacked for recycling. He grabs them all, feeling as if he'd just scored a touchdown. He continues home and hits the jackpot when he sees a bunch of pillows and other upholstered items sitting on an old couch on the curb. Between these, the egg cartons, and the duct tape he always keeps handy, he's got everything he needs to soundproof his room. He decides he'll worry about Jess's room later, if it's even necessary.

It takes him a couple of trips to bring everything up to the loft. He leaves Jess's cookie on a napkin on her desk and goes to work in his room. Once he's done he finds the crumpled store receipt in his pocket, tears off a square of duct tape, and secures the receipt to Schmidt's door.

He turns around when he's done and comes face to face with Jess. She's holding a piece of paper and a small piece of cello tape.

"I guess we had the same idea," she smiles.

"I guess so," he smiles back. She attaches her receipt to the door as well.

"Hey," he says. "Turn around and cover your eyes. I have a surprise for you."

She smiles again and does as he asks.


	2. Cello music, birth control, and Schmidt

_1. Look for cello music for Nick  
__2. Renew birth control prescription  
__3. Make Schmidt reimburse me for it__  
_

The first thing Jess does is grab her phone and text Sadie.

_Hi Sadie! Can you call me back ASAP? Texting so I don't wake you or the baby. (Send me pics! __J ) Love, Jess_

As she waits for Sadie to call back, she starts googling "cello rock music" to see if she can find something Nick would like. She purchases an EP that includes a few covers of songs she knows Nick likes (she's heard him playing them in his room at some point, at any rate) and burns them to a CD. She'll give it to him later, in a few days, when it won't feel like a one-month anniversary present and make him feel bad that he doesn't have one for her, but rather like an "I was thinking of you" present. Unless he has a one-month anniversary present for her, in which case, she'll have it ready. Just in case.

Sadie calls back, and they have one of the more unusual conversations they've ever had. (_"What do you mean, Schmidt ate all of your birth control pills?"_) Jess explains the situation and then realizes that Sadie has been out of the loop since before the wedding and has no idea that she and Nick are even together. She backtracks and starts from the beginning and is up to the part where Nick got arrested in Mexico when she hears Sadie's baby crying in the background. Sadie promises to call in a renewal of Jess's prescription, Jess promises to call back later, and the two hang up.

Jess gets dressed and grabs her handbag (a funky floral vintage number, and one she got at a price that would even impress Nick) and heads over to the pharmacy. Sadie has been true to her word and the pharmacist says she will have the pills ready for her in fifteen minutes. While she's waiting Jess browses the aisles, realizes that Nick is likely now out of condoms, and adds an economy box to her basket (she is nothing if not frugal on her teacher's salary, and they cost four cents less per condom than the regular-sized box), reconsiders, and adds another box because they really are having a lot of sex these days, and how amazing is that? Also, how _amazing_ is that? She smiles at the thought and also at the clever double meaning.

She feels hungry, which makes sense given how often she and Nick are _working out_, as they say, and drops a bag of peanuts into her basket. She'll save half of them for her peanut drawer but the rest will probably be digesting happily by the time she gets back to the loft. She returns to the pharmacy counter, pays for her prescription, and asks for a separate receipt for the peanuts because she may be upset at Schmidt for screwing with her and Nick's sex life, but she's fair, and she's not going to make him pay for her snacks, as much as she wants to stick it to him for interrupting them as they were about to do it when it was clearly going to be meaningful.

Dammit. It was hard enough for her to drop the light, fun, protective shell she had around her heart when they had sex, and the one time she did, and was finally touched enough to put it all out there, was when they'd been interrupted. She'd have to make up for it, later. Nick deserved it, opening up like he did when it was clearly so hard for him. She'd tell him how happy she was, and maybe they could pick up where they'd left off.

She walks home, munching on her peanuts (okay, maybe she'll save more like a quarter of the bag for nighttime instead) and goes to her room. She finds a cookie on her desk and smiles. Whether it's a thoughtful gift from Nick or a peace offering from Schmidt, it makes her happy. It also makes a good dessert after those peanuts. She heads to the kitchen for a glass of milk, and then returns to her room. She cuts a small piece of tape off the dispenser, takes the receipt for the pills and condoms out of her purse, and heads towards Schmidt's room, where she sees Nick attaching what looks like a store receipt to the door with a piece of duct tape, and what looks like the word "condoms" on it.

"I guess we had the same idea," she smiles.


	3. Cat brothel, dating profile, and cake

_Pack up cat brothel  
__Update online dating profile  
__Eat cake_

The first thing Winston does is go to his room and clean it up enough to make it look like it belongs to a human rather than a feline with a sex addiction. He shoves the catnip into a bag. It was making his room start to smell weird, anyway. The sexy kitty porn goes in the trash, and the _ErotiCats: Time for FeLoving_ CD comes out of the music player and gets shoved into a desk drawer. He'll save it in case Furguson is having a bad day and wants to unwind. Or is feeling social and wants to hear other cats. Or something. He's still not quite sure what Furguson thought of the damn thing in the first place. The catnip, though, may come in useful at some point, but it sure as hell isn't going to make a reappearance without some serious ventilation. Everything else gets shoved into a box in the back of his closet. Maybe he can sell it on eBay, to some crazy cat lady. Which he is obviously not. 'Cause he's a guy. Who really, really needs to find a girlfriend.

To that end, he logs on to his profile at Cupid Match and looks it over. Former basketball player – check; looking for a serious relationship – check; enjoys puzzles, good food, good conversation – check. He gets out his phone to take a new selfie. Try number one makes his eyes bug out. Try number two has him grinning so wide he looks like a serial killer. Try number three has his eyebrows doing something really weird. He gets the brilliant idea of including Furguson in the picture, 'cause women like guys who like animals, right? But Furguson is not altogether cooperative and sticks his tail in Winston's face like a bushy mustache. He finally gives up after the fifth try and uploads the picture, in which Furguson takes up most of the frame and you can kind of see Winston behind him if you look carefully (but at least he's smiling like a normal person). Then he scrolls to the bottom and edits his "looking for" section. _Must love cats. But only as pets. No weirdos, please._

With that done, he's about to head to the kitchen for a snack when he hears a scream coming from Nick's room. He bursts in as he hears Nick say "I soundproofed it" and leaves after Nick kicks him out. Winston rolls his eyes. He did see the egg cartons covering the walls. Trust Nick to rig up some kind of fancy fix. He'll give him points for trying, though. And at least Winston still has his survival kit.

In the kitchen, Winston sees the sheet cake from the other night. As sheet cakes go, he's not too keen on it – white icing on vanilla cake? At least go with a little chocolate, man! And no, he didn't mean that to sound like it had anything to do with race. He just likes chocolate cake. But he's hungry, and it's there, so there's no sense letting it go to waste. He slices himself a piece, then has an epiphany and pulls out the chocolate ice cream and scoops some on top. He walks over to the couch and sees Schmidt sitting there, still huddled in his blanket, and also holding a plate of vanilla sheet cake a la mode.

Some weird, and sadly, not-so-weird noises begin to emerge from Nick's bedroom. As Winston pulls the earmuffs out of his survival kit, Schmidt glances over at Winston.

"I guess we had the same idea," he sighs.


End file.
